人之初：At the begining of life. （生命之初，）
性本善：Sex is good. （性可是件美事儿啊）
性相近：Basically,all the sex are same. （基本上都差不多）
习相远：But it depends on how the way you do it. （但玩的花样不同，或：但取决于你选什么样的花样）
苟不教：If you do not practise all the time. （如果你不常常练习）
性乃迁：Sex will leave you.. （'性'事就会离你远去。）
教之道：The way of learning it （而要学那事儿的花样，）
贵以专：is very important to make love with only one person. （很重要的一点是只能有一个固定性伙伴。）
昔孟母：Once a great mother, Mrs Meng （以前，一个著名的老妈---孟夫人）
择邻处：chose her neighbour to avoid bad sex influence. （几次搬迁都是因为要避免邻居混乱的性生活给自己的儿子造成不良影响）
子不学：If you don't study hard, （你如果不努力学习）
断机杼：Your Dick will become useless. （你的小JJ早晚要废了）
窦燕山：Dou, the Famous （窦，十分有名）
有义方：owned a very effective exciting medicine （拥有一种十分有效的奋兴剂）
教五子：All his five son took it （他五个儿子全嗑过）
名俱扬：and their sexual ability were well-kown. （他们的性能力是众所周知的牛逼啊。）
养不教：If your children don't know how to do it, （如果你的孩子们不懂怎么做）
父之过：It is all your fault. （那就全是你的责任）
教不严：If they had lots of problems with it, （如果他们在这方面总出现问题）
师之惰：their teach must be too lazy to tell them details on sex. （肯定是他们的老师太懒不愿告诉他们性生活的细节）
子不学：You may refuse to study this （你如果不肯学习（性知识），）
非所宜：but that is a real mistake （那可真是个大大的失误）
幼不学：If you don't learn it in childhood, （性知识不从娃娃抓起，）
老何为：you will lose your ability when aged （你成年以后肯定变成无能的呀）
玉不琢：If you don't exercise your dick, （你如果不常常煅练你的小JJ）
不成器：It won't become hard and strong. （它就没法更强更大）
人不学：If you don't learn sex, （如果你不学会性）
不知义：You can by no means enjoy its sweetness（你就无法了解其妙不可言之处）

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don’t know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I’d forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying ‘Hello.’
I politely said, ‘This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?’
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear ‘Get the right f……ing number!’ and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn’s correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled ‘You’re an asshole!’ and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word ‘asshole’ next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, ‘You’re an asshole!’
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic ‘asshole’ calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, ‘Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I’m calling to see ifyou’re familiar with our Caller, ID Program?’
He yelled ‘NO!’ and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, ‘That’s because you’re an asshole!’ and hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I’d been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a ‘For Sale’ sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought that I’d better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, ‘Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?’ He said, ‘Yes, it is.’
I asked, ‘Can you tell me where I can see it?’
He said, ‘Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd., in Fairfax. It’s a yellow Rambler, and the car’s parked right out in front.’
I asked, ‘What’s your name?’ He said, ‘My name is Don Hansen,’
I asked, ‘When’s a good time to catch you, Don?’ He said, ‘I’m home every evening after five.’
I said, ‘Listen, Don, can I tell you something?’ He said, ‘Yes?’
I said, ‘Don, you’re an asshole!’ Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole 1. He said, ‘Hello.’
I said, ‘You’re an asshole!’ (But I didn’t hang up.) He asked, ‘Are you still there?’
I said, ‘Yeah.’
He screamed, ‘Stop calling me.’
I said, ‘Make me.’
He asked, ‘Who are you?’
I said, ‘My name is Don Hansen.’
He said, ‘Yeah? Where do you live?’
I said, ‘Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd., in Fairfax, it’s a yellow rambler and I have a black Beamer parked in front.’
He said, ‘I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.’ I said, ‘Yeah, like I’m really scared, asshole,’ and hung up.
Then I called Asshole 2.
He said, ‘Hello?’
I said, ‘Hello, asshole.’
He yelled, ‘If I ever find out who you are…’
I said, ‘You’ll what?’
He exclaimed, ‘I’ll kick your ass!’
I answered, ‘Well, asshole, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.’
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax, and that I was on my wa y over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger management really does work

Osmana bin Laden sent Mr Bush a coded message to let him know he’s still alive:
-3 7 0 H S S V-
-0 7 7 3 H-
Bush is baffled even the FBI, CIA & NASA can’t decipher it.
They ask Britains MI-6 for help. MI-6 replies “tell the president he’s holding it upside down”!